My spiritual upbringing set the foundation for my entire life. It was unconventional and permissive in many ways that greater society still isn’t used to. My parents, my sibling and I went to Catholic mass every Sunday, my mom sang in the choir, and I developed a love of music through my experience being in the choir loft with my mom. That stuff all sounds normal, right?

Well… sort of. My dad was Irish Catholic and my mom was Mexican Catholic. If you know anything about Mexican Catholicism, it is way more open to superstition, prayer, miracles, and many other aspects to an unseen world than traditional Irish Catholicism. There is almost a sense of lingering native culture among the dogmatic structure brought to Mexico.

My grandma on my mom’s side, a Mexican American born in California in 1923, spoke to the children and grandchildren about how our great grandma was a Curandera, a medicine woman. She treated illnesses and spiritual issues alike. There were some rituals that my mom retained, including working with candles and incantations, praying over the body of the person in need, and burning sage to cleanse the house of evil spirits. Don’t forget to leave a window open to make sure the evil can leave!

One day, in my 20s, my Aunt Mona told me a story about my great grandma putting what was essentially a spell satchel with herbs under a neighbor’s house because she was fighting with her. This was a life-changing story for me, because I always knew that there was something different about the spiritual practices on my mom’s side of the family. There was a tolerance, or even enthusiasm, for unconventional things like psychic mediums, crystals, ghosts, intuitive abilities among the family, etc. This story of my great grandma opened my eyes to the fact that it goes deeper than just being open to many methods of spiritual expression; she delved into the realm of witchcraft, all while being a devout Catholic.

After Sunday mass, my mom would occasionally mention that she disagreed with the message of the homily, what would commonly be considered preaching, that day. Often her disagreement would stem from the priest asserting that God was to be feared, or that we should be afraid of hellfire and brimstone. She firmly believed that no God who loved us would ever punish us in such a cruel manner, which I now understand is an unconventional, or maybe even revolutionary, thought. These kinds of conversations would give me permission to develop my own beliefs and allow me to think for myself, ultimately rippling into other areas of my life.

Over the course of my childhood, I had accumulated many mystical stories from my mom. One story was about her praying a Novena (a nine-day prayer) to the Infant of Prague, essentially baby Jesus, because of having difficulty conceiving. She almost forgot to say her prayer one day because one of those nine days fell on my cousin’s wedding and she heard a whisper in her ear, reminding her, “Say your prayers!” Shortly after that, she found out she was pregnant with me. Another time, when I was a teenager, we went to Tombstone, Arizona, and a spirit attached to my mom and came back with us to my Aunt Shirley’s house. After we left, Aunt Shirley said she still heard noises in the room my mom stayed in, even though no one was there, until she told the spirit my mom wasn’t coming back and to go away. My mom had countless stories of hearing a voice that gave her directions and ultimately saved her from danger. Because my mom shared these mystical, other worldly stories, I was able to understand, remember, and value my own mystical stories. When I had these experiences myself, it made me feel safe to trust this divine guidance because I had been exposed to it before, in a context that made it feel normal.

Every Tuesday after school, my mom and I would watch the Montel Williams show, where he would have the psychic medium, Sylvia Browne, as a regular guest. Together we learned a ton about spirituality that religion by itself couldn’t explain. We learned about how the “other side” works, how passed loved ones make themselves known, and how psychic predictions work. If there was a psychic on TV, we watched them: John Edwards, the Long Island Medium, etc. A lot of what I understand of my own spirituality comes from what I’ve learned through psychic mediumship, and if we’re being honest, my quest to become psychic myself.

These days, I still have the foundation of God through the Catholicism I grew up with, but I spend a lot more time and energy finding understanding and meaning through different spiritual tools, such as astrology, tarot (which, despite its occult reputation, is rooted in Catholicism), meditation, automatic writing, mindset work, manifestation, and channeling for others. I believe in Christ Consciousness, which is the embodiment of unconditional love and ultimate unity with God, and I believe that focusing on love and joy in life is superior to walking through the world with a lens of guilt and fear.

I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to walk outside of the rules of religion and find my own version of spirituality. Yours may look different, and that’s okay! As I move forward in my life, I will continue learning and growing in my spirituality, and my spiritual practices will continue to shift. I want to offer this perspective as permission to follow your own rules. You get to choose how, what, when, and where you experience your higher power, and you are safe to choose differently.